So, my family is at Wild Wadi, "Dubai's premiere water park." Jake and I are on top of Jumeirah Sceirah, "the tallest and fastest free-fall water slide outside of North America." Oh, cool.

On the whole, I'm decent at putting up a brave front, sucking it up and hopping on these rides before I change my mind. This time, not so. I'm pacing and admiring the beautiful view because we are SO VERY DAMN HIGH UP. My brother, of course, jumps on the slide before I can start talking myself out of it, so I have to follow him.

The (mildly attractive, by the way) lifeguard manning the slide says to me as I begin to position myself, "Are you scared?" "A little," I respond.

He mumbles something in response; I don't hear it. "What?" "Do you believe in god?" he asks me.

?????? 'Well, not really' is what I want to say. I manage a, "Sometimes?" The guy smiles and says, "Then you'll be fine!" He nudges me forward.

I have a quick moment to fear dying on this water slide because I'm agnostic before I start screaming and the water starts rushing up my swimsuit bottom. When I get to the bottom, I feel as if I've had an enema. But I am alive.

It--the conversation, not the slide itself--was terrifying.